Soldier & Shaman

I felt it was important since the coronavirus has hit the world to share a story about shadow and light and how we all play an important role in life’s great mystery. Working in the medical field I see from both sides that a middle ground is important. We all are here to help each other it may not feel that way at times but the soldiers out there are doing a good job yet are so judged.

There was no way I ever saw myself several years back where I am now. In fact I probably would have laughed at someone like me back then but life has enfolded in ways I never thought possible.
I remember visiting a Shaman in London who explained the importance of the shadow aspects of our life. I wasn’t really aware of what that meant but now do. We would call it a dark side and light side. The dark shadow feeds on fear, hatred, killer instinct. The light side love, kindness blessings, angels. There has to be a middle ground. I so desperately wanted to be this perfect sweet kind woman and found I would sabotage it because I couldn’t keep it up. If we feed either polarities too much it it can be equally horrible. If we feed our dark side it can lead us into doing things we never thought we would do. The good news is it can always be reversed with love and emotion. The one thing most of us are afraid of is emotion as we feel it weakens us. When actually if we let go of what’s bubbling up inside of us it’s such a relief to let go of it. We often block emotions with alcohol, sex etc. Which is great in moderation but is often filling an empty space that never fills and gets us no where. It also drains us of our life force energy which without eventually makes us sick and leads to health issues like cancer if not dealt with.

Narcissistic Relationship

On my spiritual path I met a man like me trying to find himself and in that journey we met each other’s mirrors. I saw his shadow and he saw mine as neither of us wanted to see what we were doing to ourselves to create the toxic relationship that it became. Sadly we spent 2 years in a relationship that was physically and mentally abusive. Instead of being sensible and leaving it I stayed thinking I could make him better that he we stop abusing me. I played the victim. I gave so much of myself to him and it took most of my good nature from me. He knew he was not in a good place and luckily he left. I have had no contact with him and it’s taken 4 years to sort myself out. How did I get out of it?!!! There is always a way out if we allow it.

I did a lot of self healing work, good stamina and guts got me up and out eventually and help from my Shamanic teachers. But still I was afraid to meet a man again until very recently I thought about my past. About 9 years ago I met a soldier I consider him now as “The Soldier” as he is awesome and hold him in high esteem. I was younger carefree having fun. I only met him 4 times as it wasn’t meant to go on. At the time my younger self was sad but I got on with my life knowing it was fun. And I wondered, where did this part go? After all the rubbish if there was a way I could go back to that younger me where I was happy and thought of “The Soldier” “The King” he obviously left a lasting impression and it made me smile it boosted my morale and I looked back on my most recent life the spiritual path I have taken and was like. I need to get a life. The shamanic path is incredible but I lost my joy in life (going out, having fun as I was scared it would happen again and was equally angry with my circumstances). I used to be so desperate and thought a man could fix me as I had codependency issues. But now thanks to this I can move on. Remembering that a bit of everything does us good sometimes. I thought if I could have a wish it would be to meet up with “The Soldier” again to have a drink to say cheers, which is out of my hands. But who knows what the universe can deliver if we trust and ask for something special to happen. Why I thought about him was because he was kind, he made me feel safe and treated me better than anyone else did even in 4 moments of time. So I realised if I could have something like this again but long term that is what I would go for. Although 9 years ago he was a real man and knew how to treat woman with respect.


Me 9 ish years ago cheeky and happy
The me now still fun but wiser

For the first time in a long time I’m excited to go out dating to have fun. It’s tricky as all my girl mates are settled married with kids but not me. I had to wait to get to this point. I wasn’t necessarily after their way of life but not closed to it either, just not ready. I needed to understand me to understand life and what I deserved. So yeah I believe there is someone out there for me and with a boost of morale from my past to bring my man to me whoever he may be.

To anyone single out there still have fun don’t give up. Have hope that there is someone out there for you. If in a relationship that is no longer working get out of it move on be happy. It’s not worth it. Or if you have made a commitment with someone like marriage tune in and see if it just needs a boost going back to date nights etc both choosing to work at it. But if it’s toxic it’s toxic it won’t change it will either remain as it is or get worse. Always remembering to go back to yourself and seeing how wonderful you are and your self worth in so many ways. Working on self here is key if you want change. It’s sometimes easier to hold on to something that isn’t working instead of facing our part in the relationship.

Remember the soldiers out there who have a tough life, it’s not easy for them what they go through don’t judge them. Look whose looking after us now. They have all our backs so let them help us.
And remember the Shaman who are equally important in different ways to create peace and love on earth to hold the dark times and bring in the light. We have to create a middle ground we have to respect each other. We don’t have to believe in the same things but all is important.

I know that life here on Earth where ever we are in the world right now is tough with lots of fear about the future the unknown but see if we can turn it around and take time to slow down and be happy and use it for a chance to see what we want our future to be like. What is it that isn’t working for you? What would you like to change?

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