I really felt it was important to connect with the word love and what part it plays in our lives in the terms of romance and to self love. I felt in connection with the famous Valentine’s Day how it could be incorporated.
For those who are single and would like some romance in their lives what are you doing or not doing to create that? For those who are in relationships what are you doing to strengthen that bond with another? Or are you staying in a relationship with someone that isn’t working because you don’t want to be on your own? When we see the 14th of February approaching those that are single may feel relief, sadness, general lack in consideration or think right what am I doing about this?
When we are in a relationship that is not good for us it for multiple reasons such as mental or physical abuse or being in it when things are dead no room for growth we either stay in it knowing something isn’t quite right or it ends leaving us feeling exhausted, thinking no way am I doing that again. For some this means staying single long term scared to create the same drama with someone else. I used to think that all men were the same, all men were horrible but I realised that was the masculine part of me being nasty to the feminine part internally. As a result I created that in romantic relationships with men. As we what we do internally affects us externally. For example I was in relationships with men who wanted control, men who wanted to feel good by putting me down. But I was doing this to myself internally and that was what I got in return, not a good deal. As a result I learnt so much from it all and I could see older women around me single for the same reasons, some happy, some not. But I didn’t want to be one of those closed to love.
Love and Lust
What’s the difference between the two? Both combined can be great but lust on its own for me was another matter. I spent most of my relationships with men for the wrong reasons. It’s a bit like having the most delicious sweetness but when it’s gone we can be left feeling empty wanting more of the same emptiness. Filling a hole that never gets filled. In the moment it’s wonderful and for some that is enough but I wanted more. The after affects of that can leave you exhausted and drained. Believe it or not for men it’s the same. Where as love fills us, satisfies us enough so we can enjoy it. It’s calmer, soothing and rewarding as there is a more equal energy exchange as both are giving more toward it. This is because we are forming a connection with someone else from the right place. But how do we get there? It’s hard when we are used to having lust but no love as it means being intimate with someone else and how is that possible when you have never been intimate with yourself. We have to form that loving relationship with ourselves from the inside first. And it’s wonderful really rewarding. Love and lust combined can be good though!!
As a little girl I used to love watching the Disney Fairytales thinking one day I would find my prince and live in a big castle and live with him forever and ever. I still love romantic films now but realise it’s not as simple as that. But I also realised that I refused to stay in and be lonely looking at romantic films on my own. I looked at internet dating and realised that was a definitely not for me.
Instead I decided to love myself and really go to those dark places, to really be intimate to fill myself with the love I was so desperate for someone else to fill. Does this sound true for any of you?
I came to realise that love from the outside can never replace love from the inside. That means by being nice to ourselves, being positive even if there are parts we don’t like then we can mirror that in a romantic relationship with another. So if you are constantly putting yourself down, criticising yourself playing mind games with yourself then sadly you will attract that in another. It’s the universes way of saying what you give out comes back. The law of attraction. So what’s next. We really need to learn to be nice to ourselves. We are so used to being negative that we forgot how.
A really great way to build a relationship with self is by connecting with your inner child. Dr Hew Len a Hawaiian man shared his philosophy about the importance of this relationship and how it can help transform your life and those around you. It works by connecting with these words: I LOVE YOU, I’M SORRY, PLEASE FORGIVE ME, THANK YOU.
I created a meditation to help. Have a go have a listen and over the next few days see if anything changes around you, in others and in yourself.
No dark stranger is going to come knocking on our door on a horse (unlikely but everything is possible?!)
While connecting with self love, what’s the next part? We kinda have to leave the house, we kinda have to look in the mirror and clean ourselves up. Get out of our pyjamas and find a way to meet people. We need to clean ourselves up maybe buy some new clothes that make us feel attractive. Create space from our hectic lives and find things you like doing, enjoy your life. Then when you are happy Cupid’s arrow hits at just the right time!!
To begin with I found a place that offered dating with groups of people. What was good about it was that it got me out and got me meeting like minded people. It’s like we forget how to do it, how to put ourselves out there. It takes some effort but it’s worth it. I went to dancing classes like 5 rhythms, went on retreats, running with groups. I did what I liked to do and I was happy in my life, I loved my work, I had free time to do what I liked and from that it opened a door to something new. We never know when something is going to happen but if we create space for it, it may just happen when we least expect it to. If we manifest it and stay in the house it’s unlikely for that to happen.
The power of manifestation
A wonderful way to help any situation when wanting something is to ask the universe!! I find writing a letter asking for what you want can bring in your wishes. I then burn it and see what happens. We never know when love will knock on our doors but if we are open to it then it’s more possible. The letter needs to be positive asking for what you want and leaving the universe in charge to deliver it when the time is right. Surrendering to the flow and really allowing that special someone in. You may wish to create a love altar in your room and burn some candles and see what happens. Putting up romantic pictures around your house. Anything to help with what you want to create.
Who is your partner, how do you see them? How would you like them to be ( and guess what, whatever you write down , do you hold those qualities?)
Lighting ourselves up
I had a really profound chat with someone who said if you want a man to light candles and run a bath for you when you get home from work then you have to create that space for yourself first. Again what we do to ourselves comes back.
Some inspiration for this might be creating a date night for yourself where you turn off your phone, listen to some relaxing music, make something delicious for dinner.
Run a warm bath with bubbles adding fresh flower petals like roses and putting in an essence, lighting candles around the house in the bath. Really take your time and make it special.
When I first did this I ended up checking my bank statement, burning the food and ended up laughing at how disconnected from myself I was and I realised it needed some attention.
Little things like this are so important as it means you get used to it like it and you realise that you are enough and you deserve the best and anything less than that isn’t goof enough.
So what are you waiting for are you ready to love yourself and allow another person into your life? If you want some more help learning to love yourself that’s where I come in. I can help you to let go of trauma, form a relationship with yourself and restore balance to your life. It can be a little hard at first but with some help it’s really good fun. If you want more information please contact me on.